


Shine Forever

by momojuusu



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Gen, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-11-17 03:05:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11266632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momojuusu/pseuds/momojuusu
Summary: Minhyuk is the reason of why all of this happens. He is the one behind everything. He is the one to blame.





	Shine Forever

**Author's Note:**

> Based on Shine Forever MV with a little bit of nonsense. Forgive me.

Minhyuk knew he shouldn’t have looked for any excuses. He shouldn’t even have thought of forgiveness. He caused all this mess. He was the one who ran away. He should’ve realized that he deserved everything he had now. He deserved the anger, the disappointment.

He deserved the punch on his face.

He should’ve known Hyunwoo better. It didn’t matter what kind of relationship they had. Minhyuk had hidden everything from the others, a big secret he had kept for a long while until he slowly perished from guilt. There was small part of his heart that wanted the others to forgive him. There was small part in his head that thought that the others would forgive him after knowing how he suffered all this time.

He thought at least Hyunwoo would understand—at least Hyunwoo would forgive.

He should’ve known better.

_I was afraid. I ran away._

Hoseok was the first one finding out about it. In a way, he found out about it. He only stared at Minhyuk from afar, but Minhyuk could see anger blazing up in his eyes. Minhyuk could feel hatred piercing into him from Hoseok’s look; it lingered even though Hoseok had walked away from him.

Jooheon was the second one finding out about it—Minhyuk was sure Hoseok had spilled the bean. Jooheon was looking for Hoseok right after he recognized the other’s absence, and when the younger man was back with anger on his face, Minhyuk knew he had known the truth.

“This all happened because of you. You’re the one behind everything!”

Minhyuk couldn’t even look at Jooheon right in the eye; he couldn’t even fight back when Jooheon yanked his collar harshly. Behind the white-haired man was Hoseok, still with the same look as before.

“Hey, hey,” Hyunwoo quickly jumped between them, pushing Jooheon away from Minhyuk. “Calm down. What’s going on here? Jooheon, what’s gotten into you?”

“You ask your boyfriend!” Jooheon spat. “He is the reason behind all this. Why this happened, why Kihyun is still here—it’s all because of him! _He is the one who killed Kihyun!_ ”

_I was afraid. I ran away._

Maybe a punch wasn’t enough. Minhyuk knew he deserved more pain. His heart screamed for forgiveness, but he knew he didn’t deserve it. Jooheon was right; he was the reason behind all of this. He was the reason of why Kihyun died in that accident, and why Kihyun’s soul was still with them, following them everywhere with a blindfold covering his eyes. His secret bounded Kihyun to this world—it was an unfinished business between them.

He killed his very best friend, the closest person to him since forever. He left the one who always stayed with him. He betrayed Kihyun.

He was left alone. Even Hyunwoo refused to stay with him, to console him like what the older man would usually do when Minhyuk was on the weakest point in his life. It was all his fault. Everything was his fault.

_I was afraid. I ran away._

Minhyuk couldn’t even look at the gloomy sky. The blisters on the corner of his lips were throbbing, but his heart clenched even more painfully. They wanted an answer. They wanted the truth. Now Minhyuk gave it to them, and it might mean the end of everything.

A shiver on his spine was the only thing that could make Minhyuk raised his head. Kihyun was there, sitting beside him, fingers playing with the small hair on his neck.

Kihyun didn’t say anything. He couldn’t. Wandering souls couldn’t speak to those who were still breathing. Minhyuk, though, didn’t need words to understand that Kihyun was there to comfort him, even though it only made the pain in his chest get stronger.

“You should’ve hated me,” Minhyuk whispered, “I killed you. I left you. You weren’t breathing, Kihyun. I was afraid. I ran away. Now you couldn’t find your way back to the lights. It’s all my fault. You should’ve hated me. Cursed me. Killed me.”

Tears streamed down Minhyuk’s cheeks. He lost it. He lost everything. He wanted to hug Kihyun, bringing him back to life, exchanging it with his own life. He wanted to hug Kihyun, if only Kihyun wasn’t only a cold air next to him.

He could only pretend that he could touch Kihyun. He could only pretend that he was crying on Kihyun’s shoulder. How he missed Kihyun’s narrow shoulder. He missed the warmth. Now there was only coldness surrounding the untouchable soul. Minhyuk could only cry louder.

Minhyuk’s body went rigid when the coldness slowly disappeared. Did Kihyun leave him too? They found the truth; Kihyun had no reason to stay anymore. Minhyuk panicked. No, he wasn’t ready, not like this. He had promised Kihyun— _they_ had promised Kihyun that they would take him back to the lights. It shouldn’t have been like this, not like this—

But then, strong arms pulled him into a familiar embrace. Fingers carded through his hair, and around him were his friends, looking at him with the same apologetic looks.

_I’m afraid. I want to run away._

Minhyuk wanted to scream. He didn’t deserve this. The softened eyes, the comforting embrace—he didn’t deserve it all. He deserved pain, the pain Kihyun had when he was dying. He wouldn’t mind if Hyunwoo punched him again instead of hugging him like this, stroking his hair gently. He should be the one who was sorry for bringing a mess among them. He took Kihyun’s life away. He should’ve been the one who died.

“We’re sorry,” It was Hyungwon—beside him was Kihyun, holding his hand, even though Minhyuk knew he didn’t really ‘hold’ it. “We let you stand alone in this situation. It’s not even your fault. It’s just—it was Kihyun’s time. He knows it, but we didn’t understand. We were busy looking for someone who would take all the blame. We didn’t even think of how it feels to be in the same shoe as you. Yes, you should’ve driven carefully. You shouldn’t have run away, leaving him like that, but that’s not the point anymore, okay?

“The point is it was his destiny. He should leave that day, and you were only his way. So stop blaming yourself, Minhyukkie—it won’t bring him back to us, anyway. Stop running away. There’s no need to be afraid anymore. We’re here. We’re alright. We will fulfill our promise to Kihyun, and after that, everything’s going to be okay.”

Hyungwon should be the one who was in more pain than anyone. Minhyuk had taken Kihyun, _his_ Kihyun away from him. He should be angry, he should hate Minhyuk, he shouldn’t be this calm and forgiving. But, Hyungwon’s eyes said otherwise. Minhyuk couldn’t find anger in those almond eyes.

“We’re going through this together, okay?” Hyunwoo pulled away only to cup Minhyuk’s cheeks, thumbs wiping the tears that kept going down. “I’ve neglected you for so long, being so insensitive that I wasn’t by your side through your hardest time. I won’t let it happen again. We’re facing this together. All of us.”

Hyunwoo’s voice was as gentle as the kiss he planted on Minhyuk’s forehead next.

Minhyuk looked up at Hyunwoo before letting his eyes wander to study his friends’ faces one by one.

They were ready.

He should be ready, too.

 

+

 

_“We’re going to the eternal lights one day. We don’t need to be afraid. We won’t lose our way.”_

They had prepared everything. This was a goodbye. The blindfold around Kihyun’s eyes loosened, and it gracefully fell to the ground.

Kihyun disappeared once his eyes completely opened, but Minhyuk wouldn’t forget how he illuminated, as though he would shine forever.

(Maybe he would indeed shine forever. Kihyun would always be the light that would show Minhyuk the way, keeping him on track, giving him strength, just like how their friendship worked.)

With that, Kihyun was going to the eternal lights.


End file.
